How the Heart Heals
by notyourmuse
Summary: Bella tries to go on in life after Edward's passing. What happens when two people love each other so much they can't each other go? ExB. AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first story, all kinds of feedback are welcome. Don't worry, there will be more Edward/Bella in future chapters. :)**

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Bella lazily rolled over in her bed, smashing the top of her alarm clock to make the loud beeping sound stop. She breathed a deep heavy sigh and gently patted the empty space that was next to her.

_It's been one year and two months and I still miss you like crazy_..

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she quietly sobbed into her pillow. She lay there for a few moments before collecting herself. She had to get ready for work. Everyday was the same ordeal. She would wake up, sometimes from a pleasant dream, other times from a nightmare. She would cry into her pillow, get ready for work, eat breakfast, talk to Alice. It was the same routine every morning. She thought it would get easier but in all honesty, it was _harder _everyday.

It took Bella a long time to sleep in her bedroom – their bedroom – again. She didn't think she would ever have the strength to. As she was getting dressed, she opened the closet and took out her favourite 2 piece suit – a dark navy pencil skirt with a matching navy blazer. As she reached for the blazer, something fell out of the pocket. It was a note, scrawled with his handwriting. Bella sighed, and did the same thing she did every time she pulled out the suit – she opened the note and read its contents:

_Bella, my love._

_Every time you step into this suit I want you to remember how powerful, brave and strong you are. You can do anything you set your heart and mind to, I fully believe in you and the great things you will achieve in your new job. And if this doesn't pan out the way you want it to, remember that I am always there for you and I love you._

_Edward_

She sighed again, and tucked the note back into her pocket on her blazer. Her fingers lazily thumbed over his clothing, still hanging in the closet, and she leaned in to inhale his scent. She did not have the desire to put his things away like Esme had suggested – everything of his remained exactly as it was. She couldn't let him go.

After she dressed, washed up, and made herself look somewhat presentable, she proceeded to head downstairs to make some breakfast. The light on the answering machine was blinking; she pressed the "play" button and listened to her messages while she at her cereal.

"_Hi honey, it's Esme, give me a call, or any one of us. We're here for you. We love you and we can't wait to see you tomorrow night."_

Bella groaned. She completely forgot that she had dinner plans later that evening. _Just perfect_, she thought. She was not in the mood to be social – she hadn't been in the last year. With one last gulp she downed her cereal and grabbed her car keys and briefcase. Just as she turned out the lights and headed out the door she whispered, "Happy Birthday, Edward."

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_Ten years earlier..._

Sixteen year old Bella bounded towards her gorgeous bronze haired boyfriend. She leaped into his arms and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Happy Birthday!!" she cried. The bronze haired boy laughed and kissed her back, soundly, before gently placing her back on the ground.

"What did you have in mind tonight?", he asked.

"Oh you know the usual, Alice has some big dinner planned for you, Emmett is going to throw food at you, Jasper is going to in the end clean up said food and Rose is just going to laugh at the whole scenario. And of course your parents are making you a ridiculously large birthday cake. Apparently sixteen is quite the milestone."

Edward laughed at her comment. She always made him smile.

"Come on, if we're late for class, Mr. Sharpe will be furious and will no doubt place us in detention!" cried Bella as she dragged her God of a boyfriend by the shirt sleeve. But before they entered the building, she coyly whispered into his ear, "And if you play your cards right, you'll get an extra special birthday gift from me." She winked at Edward before jetting off to class, with a stunned, puppy dog Edward trailing after her.

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It was 12:30 in the afternoon, just about time for lunch. Any minute, Bella would be receiving a call from Alice telling her to meet her downstairs so they could lunch together. A moment later Bella's phone vibrated, indicating that she had received a text from none other than Alice herself. Bella took the elevator downstairs to greet her best friend.

"You look like hell, Bella", said Alice with a worried look on her face.

"Thanks, I love you too," replied Bella. "Where did you want to go for lunch? The usual?"

"Sounds like a plan."

And with that the two girls left the large glass building Bella worked at and headed over to "The Salad Bar" for lunch. Once they were seated and ordered their usual (Chopped house salad with extra dressing and a water with lemon wedge), Alice began to do her usual drilling of questions.

"How much sleep have you been getting lately? You always look so tired."

"Oh, I don't know Al, 4 hours a night? At most? I have been having all these dreams lately. Some pleasant, others not so much."

"Do you want to tell me about them? You know I'm always here for you." replied the spiky haired pixie.

Bella stared blankly at Alice for along period of time, but soon she snapped out of her reverie and began to cry. The tears did not stop.

"Oh, Bella", and Alice got out of her seat and went over to her best friend and gave her a comforting hug.

Later that evening, Bella and Alice arrived together at La Traviata, the restaurant where they were going to be celebrating Edward's twenty-sixth birthday. Once they stepped into the restaurant, they surveyed the place looking for the rest of the Cullens. Waving frantically from the back of the restaurant was Esme. Carlisle stood up from his seat to greet Bella and Alice. Bella gave each family member at the table a hug – it had been a few weeks since she had talked to them, with the exception of Alice of course. After they were all seated, the waiter came around the table and took their orders. It was silent for a few minutes before Esme cleared her throat, clearly about to make an announcement.

"Tonight, as you are all aware, would have been Edward's twenty-sixth birthday. You all know how much he loved to be around friends and family, and he would be so happy to see that everyone is here, together", Esme was finding it harder to talk, she was holding back tears. "He loved you all so much, he loved his life, everything. Too soon he was taken from us", and with that Esme could no longer control herself and she broke down into sobs. Bella squeezed her hand tightly, and Carlisle wrapped his arms around Esme, comforting her.

"I think what Mom is trying to say," said Emmett, stepping in, "is 'Happy Birthday, Edward'. We love you and miss you, bro. Cheers." And with that Emmett raised his glass and everyone around the table raised their glasses to his.

"Cheers", they all echoed, and drank the champagne.

After the speech, the food came shortly after and everyone began eating. They were all chatting about their day and filling in Bella in on everything she had missed in the last few weeks. Emmett was telling her his stories about being a teaching assistant at his college where he was finishing up grad school – and as always his stories were hilarious. Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were having an animated conversation about this new documentary that came out in theatres a few nights ago, while Carlisle and Esme were listening intently. Tonight was the first time in a few weeks that Bella had laughed loudly. She looked around the table, drinking her champagne, and saw the smiles on everyone's faces. She couldn't help but smile too. She was so grateful for her friends and family.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Sorry for the short chapter, final exams are kicking my butt.

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The air was crisp and cool, just the way Bella liked it. It was oddly refreshing. But when had she opened the window? She walked over to the large glass window and stared out into the moonlight for a few minutes before she shut the window and locked the latch. Before she turned around she felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her waist, holding her close. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"What took you so long?", she breathed.

"I was waiting for you", replied his sultry voice.

"You're not real." She closed her eyes, and leaned her back into him.

Bella turned around in the man's arms and leaned up to kiss him gently on the mouth. He returned the kiss with passion. When the need for air became an issue, he leaned his forehead down to hers, mating them together. For a few minutes, they just stood there, their eyes locked with one another, afraid to blink for fear of the other disappearing.

"Edward, I miss you so much. Everyday. Not a minute goes by where something doesn't remind me of you. I never stop thinking about you," she whispered, stroking his face. Without warning, Bella broke down into quiet tears.

"Bella, love, please stop crying. You can't go on like this. This isn't healthy for you. You have to let me go." he pleaded, "I love you so much that it pains me to see you like this. You should be going out with friends and not sit at home moping about."  
"How can I go on? It's so hard, Edward", Bella croaked out.

"I know you can. You are so strong and brave. That's why I married you, remember?" he smiled his brilliant smile.

Bella's crying stopped and she slowly began to smile a little bit. Edward leaned in and kissed her. He kissed her forehead, her eyes, nose, and again, he kissed her lips. Bella threw herself into the kiss as much as she could, she didn't ever want him to stop or let him go. She wrapped her arms around his neck, sealing their bodies together. Edward let out a small chuckle and wrapped his arms around her small waist, moving her towards their bed.

He gently placed her on the bed, his lips never leaving hers. His lips blazed a trail of fire down her neck, across her collarbone, down to the valley between her breasts. Bella moaned softly, she had no control of herself when Edward did these things to her. She grabbed a fistful of his hair as he continued his assault of his lips on her body. His green eyes locked with her brown coloured eyes and he kissed her again on the mouth. He mated his forehead with hers and he kissed her softly on the tip of her nose. Bella sighed. She knew this was the end of his visit. They never lasted long enough.

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" she asked

"Of course, love" and he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes never leaving her eyes, until hers began to close.

"Will I see you again?" she asked sleepily.

"That all depends on you, love" was his answer. And with that, Bella fell into a deep sleep.

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Bella opened her sleepy eyes. It was still dark outside, and the cool breeze she felt earlier was coming from the window indeed. She hadn't closed it. It was all a dream. She sighed. She rolled over onto her side and stared at _his _side of the bed. She rubbed the sheets in circles, and grasped the crisp white linens in her fingers before she rolled over onto her stomach to inhale his scent from his pillow. It felt so real_ – he _felt so real_._ Bella was wide awake now. She stared at the ceiling for sometime, before deciding to get up and take a shower. _Might as well start the day early, _she thought. She groaned when she looked at the clock – it was 4:30. Uggh. Definitely too early to get up, but she did so anyway. She hopped into the shower and cranked up the hot water. It scalded down her back, but the pain did not bother her. Instead, she sat down on the floor of the shower, water cascading over her as she curled her arms around her legs.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Lemon in this chapter.**

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Two years ago

Twenty-four year old Bella was sitting in the kitchen of her brand new apartment in New York City that she shared with Edward. Together they finally had scraped together enough money to afford a spacious apartment in Manhattan, and no longer had to live in the basement of a rundown, thirty-something year old basement suite. Bella wasn't complaining, the Rochester's were great people, just a little...old. Her fingers were furiously typing away on her laptop, as she was trying to finish up her final paper that was due two weeks ago. The semester was wrapping up, and she and Edward were actually looking forward to going back home to Forks for three weeks.

She glanced at the clock and realized that it was almost six thirty. Edward would be home any minute – he was a teaching assistant over at Columbia University, trying to make some extra money. The students were alright – it felt odd teaching people the same age as him. The music department was short on teachers for the semester, so they had asked Edward to step up to the plate, since they knew he was a very skilled musician.

Within a few minutes, Edward walked through the door. She heard him put his keys on the table and heard him remove his jacket and shoes. He turned the corner into the kitchen and flashed Bella his trademark smirk. "Love," he said, and came over to kiss her fully on the lips.

"Hi," replied Bella. Damn him. He always knew how to make her forget how to speak. "How was your day?"

"It was decent," he went on. "Kyle forgot to practice his notes so the entire trombone section was out of sync. It was hilarious." Edward bent down into the fridge to grab a pop.

"Are you hungry?"

"Famished."

With that, Bella cleared her work off the table and began to prepare dinner. It was going to be simple tonight – she had a lot of work to do. She made a Spaghetti Bolognese with garlic toast wedges. And a salad, just to be healthy. Edward set the table and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of chilled wine. After dinner was on the table, he poured Bella a glass. They ate together, talking about their day. After dinner and two bottles of wine later, they both were completely buzzed. Bella was laughing at the most minute things and Edward noticed that his speech was beginning to slur. Something Edward had said was really funny, and Bella could not stop laughing. She went over to Edward, glass in hand, and straddled his lap. She stopped laughing and just stared intently into his green eyes, her wine sloshing away in the glass she was holding. She toyed with his hair at the nape of his neck. Edward's breathing hitched – he stared right back into her brown eyes and he leaned in and kissed her. He missed of course, and almost went tumbling over in his chair before Bella got off his lap and helped him steady.

The intensity between them began to electrify. She placed her glass down on the counter and held his face between her palms and leaned in to kiss his lips. He returned the kiss with such passion, leaving them both breathless. He sucked on her bottom lip, causing Bella to elicit a moan. She took her tongue and traced the outline of his lips before sliding her tongue into his mouth, battling with his for dominance. Their tongues duelled together for awhile, both of them panting into each others mouths. Bella's legs were turning to jelly, and she didn't know if she could support herself any longer. Edward got the hint and picked her up, and she instantly wrapped her legs around his waist. Their lips never broke apart. When the need for air became an issue, Edward moved his lips down her jaw, her throat and to her collarbone. Lightly nipping at it. "Couch" she breathed.

Edward blindly led them to the couch in the living room, still joined together at the lips. He gently placed her down on the couch and pried his lips from hers. Bella's breathing was ragged and she stared deep into his emerald green eyes. Her eyes never leaving his, she slowly undid the buttons on her shirt, gradually exposing her creamy porcelain skin. At the same time, Edward removed his tshirt and threw it haphazardly across the room. Edward leaned down and kissed a trail down her throat, her collarbone and down to the valley between her breasts. Bella arched her back and let out a deep moan of pleasure. Edward removed the lacy bra and her breasts sprung free. He leaned down and massaged one breast while he sucked and nipped on the other. Bella was losing control – her mind was foggy and she was having a hard time thinking of coherent things. Edward continued his journey south – nipping and licking at her stomach, tracing circles around her belly button. His nimble fingers took the waistband of her pants and quickly shoved them down her hips, along with her underwear. His fingers went lower and he began to trace the her slick folds. Bella was moaning and writhing all over the coach, and she didn't care how loud she was being. Edward flashed her his smirk and pressed his lips to her clit, which made Bella arch her back sharply off the couch.

"Edward.." she moaned, her eyes closed, biting her lower lip. Edward stuck his tongue deep within her and began lapping and drinking in her juices. He nibbled lightly at her clit, causing Bella to arch her back even higher if that was possible. Suddenly he stuck two fingers into her, and slowly began to pump them in and out of her tiny body. Bella's breathing grew more frenzied and she wanted more of Edward. He finally pulled his lips away from her wet folds and withdrew his fingers as well. He quickly undid his pants and added them to the pile already on the floor. His cock was rock hard and he only wanted to be in once place – buried deep inside his girlfriend. With one swift motion, he plunged deep inside her, filling her up. It always amazed him, every time they had sex she was always so tight, just like their first time. Edward pushed in and out of her accepting body, Bella writhing beneath him. She hitched a leg around his hip allowing Edward to move in deeper. Her fingernails raked down his back, and she drew him closer to her. Her breathing became more and more ragged as she clutched onto Edward. He peppered kisses along her jaw, her cheeks, her forehead, and then buried his head in her neck drinking in her scent. Bella's breathing hitched and before long she let out a long scream as her orgasm tore through her. Edward followed shortly after with a loud grunt into her neck and collapsed in a sweaty mess on top of her.

"I love you," he said and kissed her temple. All Bella could do was sigh in content, a smile plastered across her face.

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Rosalie had called Bella the next day, asking to see if she wanted to go out for drinks. Of course, Bella said, "No", ending that conversation. But, Bella did miss her Rose a lot, so she tried to make some sort of conversation over the phone. God she sucked at small talk.

"Bella," Rose pleaded, "please come out with me and Alice, it's going to be so much fun! You haven't been out for fun in at least a month!"

"I'm just not in the mood. I'm..tired."  
"You're always tired! Stop making up excuses. We're your best friends, we're coming over whether you like it or not."

"See if I open the door!", and Bella hung up on her best friend.

Bella wasn't going to lie, she felt like an ass for hanging up on Rosalie. She called her back and apologized. However, Bella now had a date with Rose and Alice – that was the only way Rosalie would accept Bella's apology. God she loved her friends.

Alice picked up Bella at around 9:30 in the evening for their date. They were going to meet Rosalie at The Foundation – this new upscale, posh, lounge. The lineup was huge – there was no way they were going to get in, but Rose of course, had other plans. She went up to the front of the line and worked her sexy, Rosalie magic, and the bouncer let the three of them inside. The interior was gorgeous – baroque patterned walls lined with large mirrors everywhere, and large plushy white leather chairs with black marble tabletops. The floor was black and white checkered; the black tiling so new and glossy you could see your reflection in them.

They went up to the bar and ordered drinks, and brought them back to the tables. It was far too loud to have a decent conversation, so instead they decided to tear it up on the dance floor. Bella was reluctant – she was terribly clumsy. She'd probably knock over something. Alice grabbed her by the hand and led her out to the floor. The three of them were dancing, and badly, but laughing hysterically and having a great time nonetheless.

After dancing to about 6 or so songs, Bella went back to the bar to grab another drink. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around. Standing before her was man, no taller than 6 feet, with brunette coloured hair, and gorgeous eyes.

"Hi, can I buy you a drink?", he asked.

"Umm..sorry, but I'm married.", and she flashed her wedding ring at the handsome fellow.

"Oh, sorry. My mistake."

Bella breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently Rosalie had been watching her from across the dance floor and marched over to Bella.

"Why did you turn him down? How was gorgeous!"

"I'm married, duh."  
"Bella, you _were_ married. You still are, I don't know the correct terminology! But this isn't healthy, you have to move on."

"I just can't do it Rose, it's too painful."

"Don't you think Edward would want you to move on? And stop being so miserable all the time? Don't think we don't see it."

Bella's lips began to quiver. She knew going out was going to be a bad idea. She looked at Rosalie, and ran towards the washroom. Rosalie sighed, and went to go grab Alice who was flirting with someone nearly 7 years younger than her. Alice saw the look of concern on Rose's face, and the two of them went to the bathroom in search of Bella.

Bella was perched on top of the counter, her mascara running down her face, her cheeks crimson.

"Bella, we wanted tonight to be fun, and not turn into something so dramatic. Remember, fun?", said Alice. "We just want you to have a good time, we miss hanging out with you."

"Sorry guys, I just get so emotional. Kind of pathetic, really. I just miss him so much."

"And that's normal," said Rosalie, "your heart will heal in time."

Bella smiled and gave her best friends a large group hug. Together, they went back out onto the dance floor and continued to dance into the early hours of the morning.


End file.
